detoxyfication of souls

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weekend = free time? NOMORE

I had not been posting since forever. I am not to blame...haha...school work is killing me. Everyweek, there are plenty of assignments without fail. With lab this sem, it's gg to get only worse.

Anyway...I went to Ajahn Brahm's talk today. It's abt how to deal with the lost of the loved ones. How profound he can get! There are things that suddenly enlighten me, such as the temporary feeling of lost and our temporary departure. I of course had this impression long time ago, but i dun know the possible reality behind it. He gave some real life examples on how highly possible we will meet our family in our next lives. There's no need to grief. Why we fell in love with only certain ppl, the answer is becoz: "here we go again" I thot that was humorous.

Remember the good quality of the person we loved and spend every single moment with our loved ones now.

Also, things that were previously reinforced in me by the influence of taoism or christianity have slightly different views from the perspective of buddhism.

In the end of the sessions, he cracked jokes:

I am leaving soon today, u dont have to miss me, dont grieve, coz I'll be back (with our karma links). BTW, I am reincarnated once in two/three weeks in Singapore. LOL (He's staying in a monastry in Perth and spreading the dhamma there. He was previously graduated from Cambridge U) I really love him. He said, I come back so often to spore, the obvious reason is prolly in my past life I was a Singaporean.

But a message that really moves me today is why we suffer? We are asking things in life that can never be fulfilled. It's so true.

We ran at 12:39 AM

in love

dun get me wrong

i'm in luv with corinne bailey rae...the uk artist whose song entitled "put ur records on" is very much soothing and nice

and I love lily allen as well.

Gosh, UK artists are taking turn for sure (at least for the newcomers)

We ran at 11:32 PM

Revolutionary

So many things have been happening and I have not been blogging again for quite some time.

Trip to Thailand
I wanna train myself to detach my desire from being choosy. I always suggested that Bali is a much better place than any other SEA country. And I think I would have gotten upset in the past if I didnt go to Bali instead. And when my mom told me that holiday plan is to Thailand, I was not upset at all. And I dont see suffering. So long there's an attachment; beauty, person, money, belief, there's always dukkha.

Anyway...toking abt Thailand, it's an eye-opener. The culture is awesome, with exception of crocodile performance (I am more concerned than entertained). The temples are very much different from those found elsewhere.

God
From what I learnt, the definition of God is someone who created the Earth and all the inhabitants, be it humans or the unseen. Even my parents and teachers in school told me so. So I came to term and accepted that definition since young.

And the past few yrs, I saw so much suffering and uncertainty (such as things change). Today, I went to eat char kuey tiao and there's a kid come and ask us whether we want to buy eggs he sold. My mom had just bought 2 dozens of them this morning and she offered him food instead or money to buy drink. He refused to accept. This sight just hit me to the core. How if I were him? Why is he not like any ordinary kids, or like me in the past, where I dont have to go out search for money and food. It saddens me.(I know I shld respond in a positive way to encourage him, but I am yet strong to do so)

Last time, I always question why things go unlike the way I want. Why my prayers are not heard? And I will then think that God is unfair and God is overlooking me. I wanted to abandone my religion and be free thinker. I was almost done with any kinda God.

My mom then introduced me what Karma is. And slowly I am learning by thinking that God is always listening and helping me as I grow. And I know he's still (or they are)listening. I prayed and prayed and prayed...and one day I stop praying and saying that the world is unfair, take a step back and observe.

It happened to me when I realized that people/things changed and by accepting those changes, I realize that I am attaching myself too much to that perfect image or the accepted norms and I cannot accept it, and I suffer. By understanding them and putting them into practice, i am sort of liberated. I am not so much hurt by whatever people did becoz they change and so do I.

And one other question is answered; Why my prayers are sometimes "ignored"? It's becoz God assisted us with wisdom. He helps when he needs to based on our karma. and I link help with my observation, we depend on each other for help. And how then I saw all my family, teachers and frens are also God in their own ways. They help me and vice versa.

I finally redefine God; It's not the single entity watching the drama unfolding, God is the whole entity constituting what's called life. And thru detachment from "God", I no longer suffer, I no longer blame myself or himself, but rather understand that what goes around comes around. There's action, there's reaction.

And now all I shld do is to help alleviating suffering in me and ppl arnd me. How I shld plant a seed of good karma in me and ppl so that they had the chance to alleviate suffering and get enlightenment.

I wrote this not to upset ppl hu think otherwise but rather to share from my point of view. Why sometimes we suffer unnecessarily, thru hatred, short-lived koy followed by subsequent expectations (like studying), jealousy and anger.

I am still managing my anger, learning to accept different individuals and learning to detach more.

Finally ot doesnt matter whether one has religion, it's what one practices matters.

We ran at 1:51 AM

Self

Name :Erwin
Birthday:04/04/86
School:tj
Horoscope:aries
Likes:good stuff
Dislikes:nasty stuff

The me u know now may not be the same person u know next